Varsha - A Tribute

I was 27 when I died of blood cancer, I was BSc First Class in Statistics and I have finished my MBA. My parents have selected a handsome prince for me and we were supposed to get married this month... August the month I died. Had I not died we would have been engaged a week or two after. We were supposed to marry just after Diwali in the soft winters of Malwa. I have seen 27 of them; maybe I remember about 15 of them consciously.

We were a small family 5 of us. Mom, Dad, Meenu, my elder sister; Varsha, that’s me and my younger kiddo sister Disha. Actually we were four most of the times, Meenu grew up with my Mama and Naani, there was no kid there in that house and when my elder Mama died my Naani was so heartbroken she wanted someone to keep herself busy with, she kept Meenu. So in fact I and Meenu were more of cousins then siblings, we often saw each other on summer vacations. I just discovered a sad coincidence in previous para, my eldest Mama too died just few months before his marriage and the only difference was he was already engaged, a bright talented astrologer employed with Railways he passed away with massive heart attack with no previous medical history. Even my cancer was diagnosed a day before I died, 03-08-08.

We were a typical lower middle class small town family. My dad was a fitter at Grasim, his salary was not good but we managed as we lived a joint family with my Dadaji, dadi, my Chahcha. We were a contended lot. After my Chacha's marriage we separated to a nuclear family with me , my mom and my dad. Disha arrived much later. Those were hard days for us. Three of us, rented house, my school fees and daily chores. Even that was proving tough for us, even in a small town of Nagda. The day I died everything replayed in my mind, I even remember talking to my mom about a Diwali when we just had 50 Rupees and my mom somehow managed to buy some Diyas, Laxshmiji, and some sweets. We still were happy, we still were contended.

I was a bright child, and conditions made me work harder then others in my studies. Always a topper in my class I completed by Graduation in Math with Statistics, I always wanted to be an engineer but situation did not allow me to be one. So I did my B.Sc. instead, Meenu got married while I was in my final year of Graduation and though she was always away it was an occasion for all of us. But as she has moved in with us for past for years, it was going to leave a void in my parents life. So I moved back in Nagda after my studies. I did my MBA from distance education and also taught in a local school. I wanted to move out to a big city for a better career but leaving mom and dad alone pained me, I know I am at peace now but the pain of leaving my Mom n dad still hurts like a million scorpions biting all over your body. I didn't knew then that it would be so hard leaving them, even though I knew I was supposed to get married some day and will have to move away, but I was determined to be near my Mom and Dad.

My parents started looking for a prospective groom for last couple of years. It is hard getting married when you are not so rich, the demands and all. Couple of time the proposal could not materialize because i was more educated then my prospective groom. As my parents started worrying about repeated failures in getting a good proposal for marriage, I started to feel their pain. I know I lost a lot of wait during this period. But we still were a happy family. Meenu and her kids visited us once in a while. I went to live with her when she was going to have Golu, her second child. Meenu and me never got together well, being of different temperaments, we always used to fight. But deep down we knew both of us cared for each other. Last time she visited us was when Golu was a year old. And our house was filled with such joy. Disha had a friend in Gauri, Meenu's elder kid and I and mom had Golu. Never did I knew it was the last time I was seeing them when they left.

I think I got cancer about in March when I suddenly fell very ill. Doctors’ diagnosed it as Typhoid and my RBC count fell. Despite continuous medications I was never able to recover fully. I felt tired, had a body ache, and never wanted to eat a thing. I had a complete checkup in Mumbai when I visited Meenu for the last time but then doctors could not raise any warning. They found some problems but asked me to visit again if after medications my RBS didn't stabilize. In small towns what happens is that you tend to loose focus on your health till it is too serious and I forgot his warning sooner.

After Meenu has left us when she visited us the last time my health started deterioting rapidly. And two weeks ago I knew it was serious as I just couldn't stand up and was not able to get an hour of peaceful sleep. Till we could realize it was too late. When doctors suggested me to be moved to Ujjain I was didn't knew I was moving out of my house for the last time. My troubles got over at 3 in the morning.

Now that I am away, I leave behind my grieving parents and a shell shocked sisters. Disha is refusing to believe that I am gone. My mom often says she feels I am just out of the house for some shopping and would be home soon.

Just for them.. Mom, Dad i am at peace and thank you for having given birth for me, taking care of me and letting me to experience this world for 26 beautiful years. I know I have left a void in your life with my untimely departure but believe me if I could have had the choice I would have rather liked you to die peacefully in my laps then what happened now. I understand you pain and your anguish. But I leave with no bitterness and complain. I leave peacefully.

Mom… take care of Dad
Meenu... take care of our parents and Disha.