its so taxing.. feels like i have been living a black money of a life for so long that now it decides to take me out with 300% fine. Since the days when i played football, i never felt my legs pain so bad when i go to sleep. Since the days when i forgot to do my school work, i have never been so scared of taking a 2 and half hrs long journey to my office..
Life's come a 3/4 circle .. i used to travel this much for my college, but never to work.. But you can't bunk work when you feel so. Well i just hope i get used to it soon. because i know people who travel more then i do for a wages lot less then mine. I know there are people who leave earlier then me and arrive late.. there are people with days working.. there are people who work in the heat all day where i dread travelling for 45 mins. Problem is i can't thank GOD for exposing me to more faces of life then i have seen before.. i can't thank him enough for making me luckier then 80-% people in India.. i can't prey him for letting me live the life i am.. coz I am an atheist. That's where we guys face problem when we get lucky that we don't get anyone to thank with. But yeah .. we don't blame anyone when we loose our mobiles or break two mobiles in one week..
I have been fighting with my wife with this GOD stuff for past few weeks, she promised to visit Siddhivinayak if i get my current job (with specs described above). I told her go alone, i can't go where i don't believe in.. the next day my mobile broke. Damn GOD trying to extract revenge on me for deriding his follower. Are all GODS such egotistical, self centered, self protecting .. reminds me of Lalit Modi often.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
3 Idiots and the Art of fooling the intellectuals
Lets be honest, for me 3 Idiots is "Ham aapke hain kown" for young, educated(especially engineers) ambitious men. Its wrapped up differently, it served in a different plate but in the end it is always a feel good romantic comedy.
With this film i have developed a kind of personal vendetta against Aamir Khan and Raju Hiraani. Aamir khan who preaches don't-run-after-success-but-run-after-excellence, spent 15 or something days travelling in disguise all over India and letting Newpapers and magazines and tv channels documents the trip marketed the film to death as if he has to create gimmicks rather then banking on films excelence to attract audience. Raju Hirani just can't get over his Munnabhai things and his characters and situations are repeated scene after scene in different appearances/situations. They just wear a different wig or a different accent but essentailly the core remains same just look at it closely. The heroine as always is third fiddle with heros sidekicks coming second.
Yeah the film has its message but it is at best a caricature of realities in India. Maybe we need hyperbole everywhere to understand things, maybe understatement is not an Indian thing. Try giving the same answers that that Joshi guy gave in his interview and i gurantee you will fail 10 out 10 chance.I for not once in my entrie 35 years of life or maybe add 55 of my dads too, did i found a single guy like Aamirs character who never used his knowledge to his personal gains. Yeah we had had intelligent, patent scoring guys but they were always VP in some companies or at best President of our country at old age (With all due respect to Dr. Kalam., i am his greatest admirer, but he never taught in a school anytime.). And after all these socialist messages.. umm no i thing there wasn't any socialist message anyway but all that be true to yourself and your passions messages, the best things that the film is remembered for being the highest grossing movie ever (well they discounted inflation, but that another story). It show that 3.5 million house does matter in the end :-).
The worst thing i am jealous about the movie is that Raju and company won all awards(i have lost count) for third consecitive time for giving us a another sweet tasting goody goody movie. Hell when will Dev D or Kameene get their dues.. Or maybe we Indians just like living in a dream world complete with a song and dance sequences..
Play On...
With this film i have developed a kind of personal vendetta against Aamir Khan and Raju Hiraani. Aamir khan who preaches don't-run-after-success-but-run-after-excellence, spent 15 or something days travelling in disguise all over India and letting Newpapers and magazines and tv channels documents the trip marketed the film to death as if he has to create gimmicks rather then banking on films excelence to attract audience. Raju Hirani just can't get over his Munnabhai things and his characters and situations are repeated scene after scene in different appearances/situations. They just wear a different wig or a different accent but essentailly the core remains same just look at it closely. The heroine as always is third fiddle with heros sidekicks coming second.
Yeah the film has its message but it is at best a caricature of realities in India. Maybe we need hyperbole everywhere to understand things, maybe understatement is not an Indian thing. Try giving the same answers that that Joshi guy gave in his interview and i gurantee you will fail 10 out 10 chance.I for not once in my entrie 35 years of life or maybe add 55 of my dads too, did i found a single guy like Aamirs character who never used his knowledge to his personal gains. Yeah we had had intelligent, patent scoring guys but they were always VP in some companies or at best President of our country at old age (With all due respect to Dr. Kalam., i am his greatest admirer, but he never taught in a school anytime.). And after all these socialist messages.. umm no i thing there wasn't any socialist message anyway but all that be true to yourself and your passions messages, the best things that the film is remembered for being the highest grossing movie ever (well they discounted inflation, but that another story). It show that 3.5 million house does matter in the end :-).
The worst thing i am jealous about the movie is that Raju and company won all awards(i have lost count) for third consecitive time for giving us a another sweet tasting goody goody movie. Hell when will Dev D or Kameene get their dues.. Or maybe we Indians just like living in a dream world complete with a song and dance sequences..
Play On...
Friday, February 12, 2010
The trouble with separation
is that it is never painless, and it leaves scars.Trouble with planning is that it is useless as the world is to complex to comprehend.
And I planned a smooth separation. Well anyway i will leave this story to that and come back to it sometime later but it has again been amongst those big mess i have made in my life.
My younger brother Vivek is getting married and lets talk about unions and matrimony. The house is just planning the wedding as the most awaited event for a long time. Dada talking about barats and bands, vishal's talking about his dress for barat, meenu's talking about his saariees, gauri is talking about her chachi, Vivek is dead and buried with stress of having his new house painted (umm no he talks about an interior designer who charges 4 lacs for doing his house ). I don't know what to talk about.. but guess it would be as lovely as Vishal's marriage.
Second test starting in Kolkotta on Sunday and i have that sickening feeling that SA will hold on to its lead. Our bowling is simply not good enough. Somebody go and hit Harbhajan on his head hoping to remind him of his hattrick here in that historic test. Only thing to smile about is that Laxman is back.
My Name is Khaan finally release and i think on this issue is I support SRK though i am not a big fan of him. Kuch Kuch Hota was my date movie and I hate Shahrukh and Karan for it as as 10 years heace i know how good wife, a girlfriend could turn out to be :). Me and Meenu still fight over our mistake :). I would have made a perfect life long bachelor I am sure. Back to SRK, he has every right as an Indian of free speech and free thought. Traitors are those who break public properties and divide India amongst Indians. Traitors are those who beat poor man on street to show their Courage.
And I planned a smooth separation. Well anyway i will leave this story to that and come back to it sometime later but it has again been amongst those big mess i have made in my life.
My younger brother Vivek is getting married and lets talk about unions and matrimony. The house is just planning the wedding as the most awaited event for a long time. Dada talking about barats and bands, vishal's talking about his dress for barat, meenu's talking about his saariees, gauri is talking about her chachi, Vivek is dead and buried with stress of having his new house painted (umm no he talks about an interior designer who charges 4 lacs for doing his house ). I don't know what to talk about.. but guess it would be as lovely as Vishal's marriage.
Second test starting in Kolkotta on Sunday and i have that sickening feeling that SA will hold on to its lead. Our bowling is simply not good enough. Somebody go and hit Harbhajan on his head hoping to remind him of his hattrick here in that historic test. Only thing to smile about is that Laxman is back.
My Name is Khaan finally release and i think on this issue is I support SRK though i am not a big fan of him. Kuch Kuch Hota was my date movie and I hate Shahrukh and Karan for it as as 10 years heace i know how good wife, a girlfriend could turn out to be :). Me and Meenu still fight over our mistake :). I would have made a perfect life long bachelor I am sure. Back to SRK, he has every right as an Indian of free speech and free thought. Traitors are those who break public properties and divide India amongst Indians. Traitors are those who beat poor man on street to show their Courage.
Friday, January 22, 2010
A nice little poem sent by Mandar
Jaan buj kar..
Thak gaya hoon sahi hokar, ab thodasa galat hona hain
Jaan bujh kar koi bhool karke muje uska mazaa lena hain
Jvar ke darr se ab tak main, barsaat se bachta aaya
Lekin saawan me jhumne ka anand kabhi na paaya
Chori karna hai buri baat.. hamesha ye maine maana
Lekin ped se aam churakar ek baar hai mujko khaana
Madira ke savan se hai hoti.. swaastha ko kaafi haani
Lekin jaam me dubkar, kehni hai muje bhi ek kahaani
Badhti hui umar ne mujse, mera bachpana cheena hai
Ab wapas kuch der mujhe phir, shararti banke jeena hai
Thak gaya hoon sahi hokar, ab thodasa galat hona hain
Jaan bujh kar koi bhool karke muje uska mazaa lena hain
Jvar ke darr se ab tak main, barsaat se bachta aaya
Lekin saawan me jhumne ka anand kabhi na paaya
Chori karna hai buri baat.. hamesha ye maine maana
Lekin ped se aam churakar ek baar hai mujko khaana
Madira ke savan se hai hoti.. swaastha ko kaafi haani
Lekin jaam me dubkar, kehni hai muje bhi ek kahaani
Badhti hui umar ne mujse, mera bachpana cheena hai
Ab wapas kuch der mujhe phir, shararti banke jeena hai
Monday, December 1, 2008
इस बार नहीं
इस बार नहीं
इस बार जब वोह छोटी सी बच्ची मेरे पास अपनी खरोंच ले कर आएगी
मैं उसे फू फू कर नहीं बहलाऊँगा
पनपने दूंगा उसकी टीस को
इस बार नहीं
इस बार जब मैं चेहरों पर दर्द लिखा देखूँगा
नहीं गाऊँगा गीत पीडा भुला देने वाले
दर्द को रिसने दूंगा,उतरने दूंगा अन्दर गहरे
इस बार नहीं
इस बार मैं ना मरहम लगाऊँगा
ना ही उठाऊँगा रुई के फाहे
और ना ही कहूँगा की तुम आंखे बंद करलो,गर्दन उधर कर लो में दवा लगता हूँ
देखने दूंगा सबको हम सबको, खुले नंगे घाव
इस बार नहीं
इस बार जब उलझने देखूँगा,छटपटाहट देखूँगा
नहीं दौडूंगा उलझी डोर लपेटने
उलझने दूंगा जब तक उलझ सके
इस बार नहीं
इस बार कर्म का हवाला दे कर नहीं उठाऊँगा औजार
नहीं करूंगा फिर से एक नयी शुरुआत
नहीं बनूँगा मिसाल एक कर्मयोगी की
नहीं आने दूंगा ज़िन्दगी को आसानी से पटरी पर
उतारने दूंगा उसे कीचड में,टेढे मेढे रास्तों पे
नहीं सूखने दूंगा दीवारों पर लगा खून
हल्का नहीं पड़ने दूंगा उसका रंग
इस बार नहीं बनने दूंगा उसे इतना लाचार-
की पान की पीक और खून का फर्क ही ख़त्म हो जाये
इस बार नहीं
इस बार घावों को देखना है
गौर से
थोड़ा लंबे वक्त तक
कुछ फैसले
और उसके बाद हौसले
कहीं तोः शुरुआत करनी ही होगी
इस बार यही तय किया
है
-- प्रसून जोशी
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Been a while
Life takes it toll..or should i say age.. damn it.. still not 34 and am talking of age. The body of late has been contantly reminding me of football matches i have played and every fall thence.. every cricket match and the subsiquent blows. Or I think its just an unhealthy life style of late that i am trying to hide. Plan to hit 65 before next birth.. i was 65 when i was 25 so 35 will tribute to 25 by being 65. I have just crossed 76 .. my highest when the sensex is trying its very best to shed flab. Yes maaan i say it was a lot of flab there.. a lot of hype.. a lot of aggressive banks and conservative businesses when it should have been the other way round. But a coreection every 10 years is something we are used to. But the stress of a 43 year old guy killing himself and his family is something bad. To much of expectations from life as from sensex.. No i don't want to trivialize a death.. but off late we have been going a wrong way in all walks of life. Or is it i have cultivated too much of cynicism...negitivity.. yeah too much of it. But then there is no good news now a days.. even today Dada annouced his retirement.. i didn't knew how to react.. to be happy or be sad.. but i guess forcing people or putting them under so much of pressure so that they retire.. i am against.. one of the great indian captains making an exit. It was due i guess but it should have come from inside him and not forced out of him. But i have an opinion we indians retire too late. The attitude of dying with boots on is not bad.. but trying to keep wearing a boot at 75 is something not very gracefull. A 75 year old chairman of an Indian Engineering Giant still trying to keep his boots on... yeah i know he won TOI business man of the year or something.. but gracefull exits please.. and don't try to blame the situation of having no good leader after you for not retiring.. leader should be cultivated and not killed as compitition becuase you want to stay as chairman at the age of 75. Thats where i have problems with people.. holding on for a little too long and waiting for the boot on your backside..then your feet. Go maan.. play some golf.. or tell your grandkids some story ..
Monday, August 11, 2008
Varsha - A Tribute
I was 27 when I died of blood cancer, I was BSc First Class in Statistics and I have finished my MBA. My parents have selected a handsome prince for me and we were supposed to get married this month... August the month I died. Had I not died we would have been engaged a week or two after. We were supposed to marry just after Diwali in the soft winters of Malwa. I have seen 27 of them; maybe I remember about 15 of them consciously.
We were a small family 5 of us. Mom, Dad, Meenu, my elder sister; Varsha, that’s me and my younger kiddo sister Disha. Actually we were four most of the times, Meenu grew up with my Mama and Naani, there was no kid there in that house and when my elder Mama died my Naani was so heartbroken she wanted someone to keep herself busy with, she kept Meenu. So in fact I and Meenu were more of cousins then siblings, we often saw each other on summer vacations. I just discovered a sad coincidence in previous para, my eldest Mama too died just few months before his marriage and the only difference was he was already engaged, a bright talented astrologer employed with Railways he passed away with massive heart attack with no previous medical history. Even my cancer was diagnosed a day before I died, 03-08-08.
We were a typical lower middle class small town family. My dad was a fitter at Grasim, his salary was not good but we managed as we lived a joint family with my Dadaji, dadi, my Chahcha. We were a contended lot. After my Chacha's marriage we separated to a nuclear family with me , my mom and my dad. Disha arrived much later. Those were hard days for us. Three of us, rented house, my school fees and daily chores. Even that was proving tough for us, even in a small town of Nagda. The day I died everything replayed in my mind, I even remember talking to my mom about a Diwali when we just had 50 Rupees and my mom somehow managed to buy some Diyas, Laxshmiji, and some sweets. We still were happy, we still were contended.
I was a bright child, and conditions made me work harder then others in my studies. Always a topper in my class I completed by Graduation in Math with Statistics, I always wanted to be an engineer but situation did not allow me to be one. So I did my B.Sc. instead, Meenu got married while I was in my final year of Graduation and though she was always away it was an occasion for all of us. But as she has moved in with us for past for years, it was going to leave a void in my parents life. So I moved back in Nagda after my studies. I did my MBA from distance education and also taught in a local school. I wanted to move out to a big city for a better career but leaving mom and dad alone pained me, I know I am at peace now but the pain of leaving my Mom n dad still hurts like a million scorpions biting all over your body. I didn't knew then that it would be so hard leaving them, even though I knew I was supposed to get married some day and will have to move away, but I was determined to be near my Mom and Dad.
My parents started looking for a prospective groom for last couple of years. It is hard getting married when you are not so rich, the demands and all. Couple of time the proposal could not materialize because i was more educated then my prospective groom. As my parents started worrying about repeated failures in getting a good proposal for marriage, I started to feel their pain. I know I lost a lot of wait during this period. But we still were a happy family. Meenu and her kids visited us once in a while. I went to live with her when she was going to have Golu, her second child. Meenu and me never got together well, being of different temperaments, we always used to fight. But deep down we knew both of us cared for each other. Last time she visited us was when Golu was a year old. And our house was filled with such joy. Disha had a friend in Gauri, Meenu's elder kid and I and mom had Golu. Never did I knew it was the last time I was seeing them when they left.
I think I got cancer about in March when I suddenly fell very ill. Doctors’ diagnosed it as Typhoid and my RBC count fell. Despite continuous medications I was never able to recover fully. I felt tired, had a body ache, and never wanted to eat a thing. I had a complete checkup in Mumbai when I visited Meenu for the last time but then doctors could not raise any warning. They found some problems but asked me to visit again if after medications my RBS didn't stabilize. In small towns what happens is that you tend to loose focus on your health till it is too serious and I forgot his warning sooner.
After Meenu has left us when she visited us the last time my health started deterioting rapidly. And two weeks ago I knew it was serious as I just couldn't stand up and was not able to get an hour of peaceful sleep. Till we could realize it was too late. When doctors suggested me to be moved to Ujjain I was didn't knew I was moving out of my house for the last time. My troubles got over at 3 in the morning.
Now that I am away, I leave behind my grieving parents and a shell shocked sisters. Disha is refusing to believe that I am gone. My mom often says she feels I am just out of the house for some shopping and would be home soon.
Just for them.. Mom, Dad i am at peace and thank you for having given birth for me, taking care of me and letting me to experience this world for 26 beautiful years. I know I have left a void in your life with my untimely departure but believe me if I could have had the choice I would have rather liked you to die peacefully in my laps then what happened now. I understand you pain and your anguish. But I leave with no bitterness and complain. I leave peacefully.
Mom… take care of Dad
Meenu... take care of our parents and Disha.
We were a small family 5 of us. Mom, Dad, Meenu, my elder sister; Varsha, that’s me and my younger kiddo sister Disha. Actually we were four most of the times, Meenu grew up with my Mama and Naani, there was no kid there in that house and when my elder Mama died my Naani was so heartbroken she wanted someone to keep herself busy with, she kept Meenu. So in fact I and Meenu were more of cousins then siblings, we often saw each other on summer vacations. I just discovered a sad coincidence in previous para, my eldest Mama too died just few months before his marriage and the only difference was he was already engaged, a bright talented astrologer employed with Railways he passed away with massive heart attack with no previous medical history. Even my cancer was diagnosed a day before I died, 03-08-08.
We were a typical lower middle class small town family. My dad was a fitter at Grasim, his salary was not good but we managed as we lived a joint family with my Dadaji, dadi, my Chahcha. We were a contended lot. After my Chacha's marriage we separated to a nuclear family with me , my mom and my dad. Disha arrived much later. Those were hard days for us. Three of us, rented house, my school fees and daily chores. Even that was proving tough for us, even in a small town of Nagda. The day I died everything replayed in my mind, I even remember talking to my mom about a Diwali when we just had 50 Rupees and my mom somehow managed to buy some Diyas, Laxshmiji, and some sweets. We still were happy, we still were contended.
I was a bright child, and conditions made me work harder then others in my studies. Always a topper in my class I completed by Graduation in Math with Statistics, I always wanted to be an engineer but situation did not allow me to be one. So I did my B.Sc. instead, Meenu got married while I was in my final year of Graduation and though she was always away it was an occasion for all of us. But as she has moved in with us for past for years, it was going to leave a void in my parents life. So I moved back in Nagda after my studies. I did my MBA from distance education and also taught in a local school. I wanted to move out to a big city for a better career but leaving mom and dad alone pained me, I know I am at peace now but the pain of leaving my Mom n dad still hurts like a million scorpions biting all over your body. I didn't knew then that it would be so hard leaving them, even though I knew I was supposed to get married some day and will have to move away, but I was determined to be near my Mom and Dad.
My parents started looking for a prospective groom for last couple of years. It is hard getting married when you are not so rich, the demands and all. Couple of time the proposal could not materialize because i was more educated then my prospective groom. As my parents started worrying about repeated failures in getting a good proposal for marriage, I started to feel their pain. I know I lost a lot of wait during this period. But we still were a happy family. Meenu and her kids visited us once in a while. I went to live with her when she was going to have Golu, her second child. Meenu and me never got together well, being of different temperaments, we always used to fight. But deep down we knew both of us cared for each other. Last time she visited us was when Golu was a year old. And our house was filled with such joy. Disha had a friend in Gauri, Meenu's elder kid and I and mom had Golu. Never did I knew it was the last time I was seeing them when they left.
I think I got cancer about in March when I suddenly fell very ill. Doctors’ diagnosed it as Typhoid and my RBC count fell. Despite continuous medications I was never able to recover fully. I felt tired, had a body ache, and never wanted to eat a thing. I had a complete checkup in Mumbai when I visited Meenu for the last time but then doctors could not raise any warning. They found some problems but asked me to visit again if after medications my RBS didn't stabilize. In small towns what happens is that you tend to loose focus on your health till it is too serious and I forgot his warning sooner.
After Meenu has left us when she visited us the last time my health started deterioting rapidly. And two weeks ago I knew it was serious as I just couldn't stand up and was not able to get an hour of peaceful sleep. Till we could realize it was too late. When doctors suggested me to be moved to Ujjain I was didn't knew I was moving out of my house for the last time. My troubles got over at 3 in the morning.
Now that I am away, I leave behind my grieving parents and a shell shocked sisters. Disha is refusing to believe that I am gone. My mom often says she feels I am just out of the house for some shopping and would be home soon.
Just for them.. Mom, Dad i am at peace and thank you for having given birth for me, taking care of me and letting me to experience this world for 26 beautiful years. I know I have left a void in your life with my untimely departure but believe me if I could have had the choice I would have rather liked you to die peacefully in my laps then what happened now. I understand you pain and your anguish. But I leave with no bitterness and complain. I leave peacefully.
Mom… take care of Dad
Meenu... take care of our parents and Disha.
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