Flying

I went Skydiving yesterday. A two day introductory theory and some practice and then given a choice of Friday or Thursday Dive, I chose Thursday to be the D-day.

Trust me there is nothing scarier in this world then to feel the initial thrust of the wind in your face, 1000 M above ground staring directly at it below, when the jump master initially opens the door and tells you Maine(GO in Finnish). Oh sorry.. there is something scarier, after the door is open you are supposed to hold the wing support, walk down the wheel cover to the far end of the wing, slowly get down the wheel cover.. hanging to the wing support rod.. look up and let go.

Once you let go its not scary, coz you mind freezes.. so you don't have any thoughts till your feel the jerk of the parachute opening and it stopping your free fall. I guess i had my 3 seconds of Nirvana. No thoughts and blank mind.

Thats why they teach you in the training to count out loud.. hundred one, hundred two, hundred three.. hundred four.. hundred five. So that you know that at 1000 M and in 5 secs if the chute doesn't open by the static line you have to start the emergency procedures (Which means by the way to jettison the primary canopy and open the reserve one) Heaven knows and i was pretty close to it so he saw it that i was so blank that i didn't even fu*king count. If the primary canopy wouldn't have opened i don't know i would have had the presence to start the reserve procedure. But i guess the sport is pretty safe. My instructor has 1300 Jumps and he needed only once the emergency procedure and that too when he was trying to do some complex maneuvers. But i have to be so unlucky as to it happen to me for the first jump i guess i would have taken that. But i am pretty sure that 9/10, i wouldn't have been able to take emergency procedures in time.

Thats why they failed me in my Pilot aptitude test when i went for selection in Air Force. I guess some things are best left to people who are meant to do it.

My ground radio guy told me i was pretty good at controlling the canopy once it was open and I was able to bring it properly to landing grounds and i landed pretty near to the designated spot.. in a ditch. Oh.. i forgot to apply the flare (sky diving jargon for Brake :-) ) and landed hard. My right ankle is still sprained.

But it was an experience of lifetime and i lived it in 5 mins. A hell a lot of high when you let go.. There is option for a second free jump available too, but i guess i have had enough and am letting that go. Let it remain a once in lifetime thing.

One thing a guy like me with loads of inferiority complex has to do crazy things like thing from time to time to keep proving points.. to himself and others.. My ego tripped and am at peace for sometime.

Romancing the snow at 32

It was a delebrate decision. I wanted to be alone for some time, be with myself and a bit of introspection.

I am a very boring guy to be alone with and this I have realized now.

There are times in life when you realize that things are not going your way or you are just going with the flow. Sense of no-contol on your life. You want to do something but can't. You are just doing things you don't want to.. things you are not happy with.. you have no free will.. ("free will" thats a seprate topic which i will take up later). Your goals getting further way from you and you cannot do anything. This is a time when you realize you need a shock therapy. A slap on your cheeks to wake you up. To get out of you comfort zone and do something uncomfortable.

Thats why when a chance came to choose a years deputation for Finland.. reluctantly i agreed. I knew it is not going to be easy being away from family .. two kids, a loving wife.. dotting parents, brothers who where more of friends.. all these who, no matter how much you loose, how much you underachive.. how much you screw up.. were always there to support and cheer.

Leaving them behind, putting up a brave face of a non-emotional being..not feeling the pain of sepration.. I landed in Oulu with heavy heart.. as always a confused mind and a tried body..

...thinking was it a right decision.. or again as always somebody has already made a decision for me and i just followed..

That was the back story guys and gals..

At 32 i saw my first snow. The chill in the air, slippery walkways, warm people, a frozen white world.. Thats northern finalnd for you in December. Things would change but "Warm People" i hope would remain same all year round :-).

It feels like being in a movie..so much beauty..silence all around when you are in the woods.. you can see footmarks of animals who have walked on snow. Snow on leafless trees.. all of them announcing christmas.. they just lacked socks and lights in them. Snow on cars.. and their windscreens.. snow that just felt like cotton when you hold it and the chill in the air is such that it takes a while to melt even with your body heat. A world so pure it looked surreal.

You forget your freezing nose.. your cracked up lips.. chill running up your shoes when you romance the snow.